Tag: habit

Taking Care of You

Recently, I had the opportunity to work with a life coach. It’s an interesting concept. Most people have probably never considered the idea of getting a life coach, but in theory, I guess it makes a reasonable amount of sense. All elite athletes have a coach to help them train. A coach can see things in you that you are unable to see in yourself and therefore, they are able to direct you toward the best path for success.

Unlike a therapy session or a counseling session, which delves into your past to understand the present, life coaching analyzes the present in order to help bring positive change to your future.

At the end of my coaching session, I felt like I had been shown my own reflection, and that reflection wasn’t muddled or distorted. It was a perfect mirror, and I was able to see my own life with a level of clarity that I hadn’t seen prior to the session.

I didn’t receive bucket loads of advice from this coach. In fact, I think good coaches rarely tell you what to do— they illuminate the way so that YOU know exactly what to do and can make those important decisions yourself. This particular coach did happen to give me a piece of advice, and I’m so happy that she did. It’s such a great piece of advice that I’m going to pass it on to you. It sounds obvious, but it’s not as simple as it sounds. Are you ready? Here goes:

Do something for yourself every single day.

Did you get that? You probably think you do, and maybe you do. I thought I got it, but I didn’t.

I said to the coach, “I always do things for myself! I wake up at the crack of dawn each day and exercise, just for ME! I stay up late preparing healthy meals for the next day. That’s also for ME! I practice yoga to balance all of my strength training and to stay limber. And I even meditate every night! Trust me, I’m doing lots of things for myself. I’ve got this concept down pat.”

The coach listened. We then discussed each of the items that I rattled off my list. After talking for quite a while, I came to understand that everything that I did each day for myself was out of obligation, not pleasure. The coach’s intention behind her suggestion to do something for myself every single day was based on pure pleasure.

Yes, I happen to enjoy my daily wellness habits, but I’m not doing any of those items for pleasure. I exercise, meditate, stretch and cook for hours to maintain good health and to avoid painful flare-ups. I do them religiously because I value my health and partly because I fear the pain and immobility that accompanies an autoimmune flare-up.

So now…. Time to re-evaluate. Do I do something for myself every single day? Purely for pleasure? Probably not. I am ready to make this change. Are you? It doesn’t have to be an hour-long activity. It can even be 15 minutes. What do you love? Maybe it’s a cup of tea at a favorite café. Maybe it’s a bath at night. Maybe it’s a bike ride or a half hour with a magazine or good novel. Whatever it is, let it be something with no strings attached. No guilt attached.

Do it for your well-being. Do it as a daily ritual to honor yourself.

Please share what you plan on doing each day in the comments section below!

April 19, 2015
My Favorite Meditation App: Alleviate Stress in Ten Minutes

Yesterday was quite a day. Stressful and intense are two words that come to mind when I think about it. I admitted my daughter to the hospital for an overnight treatment to help fight a nasty virus in her newly transplanted kidney.

As I packed my bag for the trip, I assured myself that everything would be fine, and my daughter wouldn’t be too upset about this hospitalization.

We’ve done this before, I thought. I am fine with going back to the hospital. We know so many of the nurses and can navigate that children’s hospital like pros. It’s just a one-night stay. We’ve had to stay for weeks in the past. One night is nothing. She won’t mind. We will make it as enjoyable as possible. We will play Candy Crush and watch a movie together and make the best of a crappy situation.

Well, I must have been in denial. My daughter was horrified to learn that we would have to stay overnight. The last time she was admitted to the hospital, she endured weeks of painful, extensive treatments and tests. Coming back to the same hospital and being re-admitted must have triggered terrible memories. It was tough for me to see her so upset.

I was in for a huge shock when it dawned on me that this hospitalization was hard for me, too. I really thought it would be fairly easy to handle, but I found it to be sweat inducing, nerve wracking, frustrating and downright difficult. It was nearly 11 pm when the treatment finally began, and I was completely spent. We hadn’t yet started the movie that we planned to watch, we hadn’t gone to the gift shop to buy bags of popcorn, and we hadn’t done anything that we had intended to do to make the hospital stay a bit easier. I was sprawled on the rollaway cot in the hospital room, and I didn’t even have the energy to walk to the bathroom. Every inch of my body was exhausted, and my brain felt like it stopped functioning. I’m not sure why it suddenly crossed my mind to meditate right then and there, but that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t have the energy to sit up. I didn’t even have the energy to clear my mind on my own.

But I did find the energy to pull my iphone out of my pocket and open the Headspace app. I listened to a free 10-minute guided meditation, and when it was over, I opened my eyes, and I was completely rejuvenated. I felt like I had slept for hours. I’ve NEVER experienced anything like that before. I’ve heard that meditation is quite powerful and can have a restful effect on the body, but I have never personally experienced such rejuvenation after 10 minutes of anything!

I guess there’s a first time for everything, and I’m thankful that this particular first time happened to occur during this stressful experience at the hospital. It probably helped that this wasn’t my first time meditating, and it probably also helped that I had a daily meditation practice— but I’ve only been meditating on a regular basis for about two and half months. If I can create a successful meditation experience that is both restful and rejuvenating with just a couple of months of practice, I know you can, too. If you are interested in creating a regular meditation practice, begin by reading some of my tips for getting started. Then, go ahead and download the Headspace app. Give the 10-day program a try. It’s not overwhelming, and I know you have 10 minutes to spare.

Please note that I do not work for Headspace, I am not paid by Headspace. I do not benefit in any way by telling you about this Headspace app. This is just part of my personal journey, and I want to share whatever happens to be working for me.

Here’s a quick summary of what I’ve discovered so far (which isn’t a lot because I’ve only recently started using it):

Headspace is an app that offers you the basics of meditation in a free 10-day program called Take10. Each day, you listen to a 10-minute guided meditation. It’s simple. You put your headphones on and tune into the instructor’s voice for ten minutes. You don’t have to think about setting a timer or finding background music or wondering if you can tune into your breath. The instructor tells you exactly what to do, and that’s what makes it so easy. It takes all of the thinking out of the process, which is exactly what you need as a beginner.

If you give the app a try, please leave a comment and let me know! Share your journey with us!

April 18, 2015
Beginners’ Tips to Start a Meditation Practice

According to yogic philosophy, it takes 40 days to break a destructive habit or to develop a new, healthy habit. Today marks day 27 of my 40-day meditation journey. I’m more than half way through to my 40-day goal, and at the end of it all, there is no end. The end of 40 days will just mark a new beginning.

Ultimately, my hope is to have a meditation practice that is engrained into my daily life. I want it to feel as natural as brushing my teeth or making my morning tea. Why am I so set on developing a lifelong meditation practice? Well, meditation, I’ve heard, has incredible powers—the power to reduce stress, promote deeper sleep—even cure physical ailments and lessen physical pain. If any of this is true, I need a piece of it. You probably do, too.

This is not a post to teach you how to meditate. Rather, this is just my list of observations based on my own experience. My journey is just beginning, but I am eager to share what I’ve learned so far:

There is no “right” time to meditate. Originally, I thought the “right” time was at the crack of dawn. I reasoned that the early morning stillness of my household would be conducive to a peaceful, meditative atmosphere. I also figured that my mind wouldn’t be racing with work and family obligations so early in the day. In theory, this all made sense, and I thought I had it figured out. I didn’t.

I quickly realized that my body just hurt too much in the morning to meditate. As a newbie, it’s hard enough to enter a meditative state when all conditions are perfect. Just imagine how difficult it is if you’re focusing on your arthritic knee the entire time! Ultimately, I moved my meditation practice to the evening when my joints were generally happier and my body felt pretty good. I highly recommend that you try meditating early in the morning when your mind tends to be clear, and adjust the time of day if necessary.

Moving your body first makes a BIG difference. It is MUCH easier to sit in stillness if your muscles are warm and loose. If you can’t fit an entire workout prior to your meditation, you will still feel much more comfortable if you stretch for even just a few minutes. A few rounds of sun salutations and some gentle hip openers should do the trick.

Your meditation space may not be the most obvious choice in your house. The most peaceful place in my home happens to be in my living room next to a large set of windows overlooking my backyard. I assumed this was the ideal spot to feel enlightened and grounded. It wasn’t. Winters in New Jersey are cold, and even with a good heating system, I was freezing my ass off by the windows. I moved from room to room in my house, and surprisingly, I ended up on the floor of my bedroom closet. It was the perfect meditation spot. Go figure. Start your meditation practice in the most peaceful spot in your house. Maybe it will work out just fine, but don’t be too surprised if you test out a number of different rooms and then end up in an unlikely location.

A pillow and a blanket work wonders. No, it’s not bedtime, but you will probably find use for your pillow and blanket. I’m not sure if this is typical, but as soon as I close my eyes to meditate, I become hypersensitive and aware of every ache and pain in my body. My back aches. My hip suddenly hurts. My feet feel cold, and I can’t concentrate. I’ve learned from experience to keep a pillow close by to sit on or to use as a bolster. Sometimes, I use the blanket across my lap or around my shoulders. I’m not always cold, and I don’t always use the blanket, but I can pretty much guarantee that I would be freezing if I didn’t choose to have a blanket close by. That’s just the way life works.

You will think you suck at meditating, and that’s okay. At the end of each day, my teacher would send me a text and ask about my meditation. For the first couple of weeks, my answer was the same. “Yes, I meditated, but I really sucked at it. I’m not sure if it’s even fair to call it meditation.” That’s when my teacher enlightened me. She said everybody thinks that they suck at meditation. No one walks around claiming to be excellent at meditation. It’s an evolving practice. Some days, you will easily enter the zone, and other days, you will be making grocery lists in your head and thinking about the dry cleaning that you need to drop off. Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone who is new to meditation is going through the same thing.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to meditation. I experimented a ton. One day, I meditated while holding my hands in a strengthening mudra. The next day, I meditated while practicing a forceful breathing technique. Then I tried using music in the background. Then I tried breathing normally while focusing on my third eye. And then there was this one time that I tried to meditate with my eyes open…while counting backwards in my head. Each time I tried a new technique, I learned what worked and what didn’t. Don’t be afraid of trying something new. Keep experimenting until you find a routine that works for you.

Your attitude towards meditation matters. The first few times that I meditated, I felt very antsy. I had a lot to accomplish, and sitting around doing nothing was a difficult concept for me to swallow. I’m glad it didn’t take me long to come to this realization—meditation is not “sitting around and doing nothing.” Well…let me rephrase that. Meditation IS sitting around and doing nothing, but the effects of meditation are FAR from “nothing”. Meditation is a form of therapy. It’s free, it’s available to everyone, and you can perform it on yourself. Reconsider your attitude if you are concerned about wasting your time “doing nothing”. I assure you that your mental and physical well being is not a waste.

The way to get better at meditating is to meditate. And here is the most important thing I’ve learned so far on my journey: You can read books about meditation, analyze all sorts of different techniques, and ask for advice from your friends/yoga teacher, but at the end of the day, the way to get better at meditating is to just meditate. It’s as simple as that.

March 4, 2015